The Raiders cut bait back in Sept. Brown posted the call to social media. The Patriots picked him up hours after the Raiders let him go The NFL has since launched its own investigation into the allegations. But, the last straw seemed to be when Brown allegedly texted another woman who had accused him of sexual misconduct and made what she considers menacing threats against her family.
The Patriots cut Brown after learning about the text messages. Brown went to social media and attacked Patriots owner Robert Kraft after the move -- bringing up his prostitution case in Florida -- saying there's a double standard in the NFL. After he was released, Brown tweeted, "Sad [NFL teams] can just void guarantees anytime going on 40m 2 months will see if they pay up!
Brown's agent, Drew Rosenhaus , has previously said AB wants to get back to work and play for another NFL team -- and Drew insists there are interested parties. So, in the meantime, Brown is staying in shape in case he gets a call. But, from what we're hearing, don't expect to see Brown in an NFL uniform any time soon. Kim and Kourtney Kardashian went back to their roots The group made the trek Sunday to the St. It seems Saint, Chicago, Psalm, Reign and Mason are the ones getting baptized -- in Armenian culture, the person getting baptized wears all white. North was already baptized in Jerusalem back in You can see the whole fam made their way to the church, with bodyguards in place to keep the crowd at a distance.
Still, Kim did stop at one point to take selfies. Kim, of course, first visited her family's ancestral land back in She's strengthened her ties to Armenia since then. In fact, she's the special keynote speaker later this week at the 23rd World Congress on Information Technology. For years, Ilhan and Ahmed have been the object of speculation and inuendo from political opponents and the media.
The statement continues, "This has taken a significant toll on Ilhan, Ahmed, and their three children. Just like any other family navigating this kind of transition, Ilhan wishes to have their privacy respected for themselves and their children and will not be commenting any further. Minnesota Congresswoman Ilhan Omar is heading for splitsville with her husband -- for the second time -- TMZ has learned. According to court records, obtained by TMZ, the freshman Representative -- and member of the so-called "Squad" -- filed for divorce Friday in Minnesota from her husband, Ahmed Hirsi , who is also the father of her 3 kids.
The filing comes on the heels of Rep. Omar denying a split from her husband. The breakup rumors started after her campaign consultant Tim Mynett 's wife filed for divorce, alleging an affair between Mynett and Omar. She also denied the affair. Her divorce adds another layer to her complicated history with her now estranged husband, Hirsi. They reportedly married in a religious ceremony in -- but the union was not recognized legally.
The couple had 2 children together, but separated in She went on to marry another man named Ahmed -- British citizen Ahmed Elmi -- in Minneapolis in , and this time it was official with legal docs and everything. However, they reportedly split in and he returned to the UK Meanwhile, Omar reconciled with Hirsi in and they had another child together Omar and Elmi divorced officially in , and then she wed Hirsi -- legally this time -- in Now, they're headed for an official divorce.
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The Congresswoman has reportedly moved out of their place and into a penthouse apartment in Minneapolis. Ronnie Ortiz-Magro denies ever wielding a knife against his baby mama, Jen Harley , in their latest alleged domestic violence incident Sources familiar with the matter tell TMZ We're told Ronnie only confronted Jen because he was afraid she was trying to take their daughter away from their Airbnb rental home TMZ broke the story Jen looked pretty terrified as she sidled up to the neighbor's home with 1-year-old Ariana in hand, attempting to open the trunk of the neighbor's car.
The neighbor says they saw Jen trying to drop Ariana over a fence, before we're told Ronnie showed up and snatched back the kid Things got worse from there as cops showed up, breached the front door to reach Ronnie -- who was holed up with Ariana -- 'cause he refused to come out.
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He eventually had to be subdued by taser, and was arrested on kidnapping charges. He was released from custody a short time later. This, of course, is just the most recent dust-up between the volatile pair. There's the ashtray-throwing saga, the ransacking tale None of that is lost on those closest to them either, BTW.
Our sources say both Ron and Jen's friends continue to urge them to split for good, if for nothing else other than Ariana's safety. Justin Bieber 's firing off a new jab in his feud with Taylor Swift , mimicking that post-surgical banana video of her that went viral -- and while it is kinda funny, we're sure Taylor ain't laughing. Justin and the missus, Hailey Bieber , were live on IG from their kitchen Sunday when the Biebs decided to poke fun at Taylor, loudly whining Hailey laughed out loud, and we're guessing most of Hailey's 22 million followers also chuckled -- but it's odd he made any reference to the Taylor vid, considering Taylor publicly accused Bieber and his manager, Scooter Braun , of bullying her.
You'll recall, Taylor went off after Scooter purchased Big Machine Records, and therefore, her early music catalog. Justin defended Scooter , and also apologized for a previous shot he'd taken at her on social media -- during her feud with Kanye West. He said, "At the time I thought it was funny but looking back it was distasteful and insensitive.
Look, Justin's banana vid mocking -- or maybe he'd call it an homage -- doesn't seem to rise to the level of distasteful or insensitive. Oscar just broke his silence on the lawsuit filed by David Gonzalez -- famously known as " Tattoo " -- who accused De La Hoya of doing some seriously messed up stuff in his role as head of the company. In his suit, Gonzalez -- who was hired to do announcing and PR stuff for Golden Boy -- claims Oscar would force him to run personal, non-work related errands Zeus feared that their massive power would overpower the Gods so he split them in half, dooming them to search for their other half for eternity.
Have you found yours? Your souls just seem to recognize each other. You have a magnetic connection to this person and feel pulled to them immediately. It feels like it was your destiny to meet one another. You match up in numerous weird ways. You find synchronicity and alignments everywhere. You start to see and other numbers repeatedly. The paths that both of your lives have taken will most likely be very similar.
Because of this, they perfectly complement your likes, personality, and overall lifestyle. Your twin balances you. Twin flames differ from your soulmates because soulmates are perfectly in alignment with you. Their darkness balances your light and vice versa. One twin is more advanced spiritually and mentally than the other. One twin takes the role of being the teacher, the confidant, and the counselor.
The more old wounds surface, the more turbulence arises in the relationship. The mature twin attempts to strengthen the relationship and make amends. This person is your safe haven. With them, everything is right in the world. You both feel moved to work towards something bigger than yourself. Together, you dream of working towards a spiritual, environmental, or social movement. You feel as though this person has an important role to play not only in your personal life but on your path to fulfilling your larger purpose. Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by Dr. Johnson to be the drink of heroes.
Only a hero will venture to drink it. CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. The cabbage is so called from Cabagius, a prince who on ascending the throne issued a decree appointing a High Council of Empire consisting of the members of his predecessor's Ministry and the cabbages in the royal garden. When any of his Majesty's measures of state policy miscarried conspicuously it was gravely announced that several members of the High Council had been beheaded, and his murmuring subjects were appeased.
A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. CAMEL, n. A quadruped the Splaypes humpidorsus of great value to the show business.
There are two kinds of camels—the camel proper and the camel improper. It is the latter that is always exhibited. A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period. The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire, the pot, the dinner, the table and the knife and fork for the anarchist; the part of the repast that himself supplies is the disgrace before meat.
Capital Punishment , a penalty regarding the justice and expediency of which many worthy persons—including all the assassins—entertain grave misgivings. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns. Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, Cogito ergo sum —whereby he was pleased to suppose he demonstrated the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved, however, thus: Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum — "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.
CAT, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager. The inscriptions following will serve to illustrate the success attained in these Olympian games:. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch of differentiation, and who followed the primitive economic maxim, "Every man his own horse.
The scripture story of the head of John the Baptist on a charger shows that pagan myths have somewhat sophisticated sacred history. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance—against whom or what does not clearly appear; everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance. Cerberus is known to have had three heads, and some of the poets have credited him with as many as a hundred. Professor Graybill, whose clerky erudition and profound knowledge of Greek give his opinion great weight, has averaged all the estimates, and makes the number twenty-seven—a judgment that would be entirely conclusive if Professor Graybill had known a something about dogs, and b something about arithmetic.
The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth—two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool. A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.
An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet—two clarionets. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones. CLIO, n. One of the nine Muses. Clio's function was to preside over history—which she did with great dignity, many of the prominent citizens of Athens occupying seats on the platform, the meetings being addressed by Messrs. Xenophon, Herodotus and other popular speakers. CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.
Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain. A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness; and to keep it fresh in his mind joins a brotherhood of awful examples. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles, but do not equal, our own. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E. An administrative entity operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasites, logically active but fortuitously efficient.
Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided by him to C.
A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else. An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was pouted on his lips to revive him. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country. The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed. A battle in which spittle or ink replaces the injurious cannon-ball and the inconsiderate bayonet.
A place of retirement for woman who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness. A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor. The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster, but less indigestible.
One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him. CROSS, n. An ancient religious symbol erroneously supposed to owe its significance to the most solemn event in the history of Christianity, but really antedating it by thousands of years. By many it has been believed to be identical with the crux ansata of the ancient phallic worship, but it has been traced even beyond all that we know of that, to the rites of primitive peoples.
We have to-day the White Cross as a symbol of chastity, and the Red Cross as a badge of benevolent neutrality in war. Having in mind the former, the reverend Father Gassalasca Jape smites the lyre to the effect following:. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one.
It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction and great material adversity. An Italian proverb says: "The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses. CUPID, n. The so-called god of love. This bastard creation of a barbarous fancy was no doubt inflicted upon mythology for the sins of its deities. Of all unbeautiful and inappropriate conceptions this is the most reasonless and offensive. The notion of symbolizing sexual love by a semisexless babe, and comparing the pains of passion to the wounds of an arrow—of introducing this pudgy homunculus into art grossly to materialize the subtle spirit and suggestion of the work— this is eminently worthy of the age that, giving it birth, laid it on the doorstep of prosperity.
An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul. CURSE, v. Energetically to belabor with a verbal slap-stick. This is an operation which in literature, particularly in the drama, is commonly fatal to the victim. Nevertheless, the liability to a cursing is a risk that cuts but a small figure in fixing the rates of life insurance.
CYNIC, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision. DAMN, v.
A word formerly much used by the Paphlagonians, the meaning of which is lost. By the learned Dr. Dolabelly Gak it is believed to have been a term of satisfaction, implying the highest possible degree of mental tranquillity. Professor Groke, on the contrary, thinks it expressed an emotion of tumultuous delight, because it so frequently occurs in combination with the word jod or god , meaning "joy.
DANCE, v. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.
A high ecclesiastic official of the Roman Catholic Church, whose important function is to brand the Pope's bulls with the words Datum Romae. He enjoys a princely revenue and the friendship of God. DAWN, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them.
The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it. DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper—the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort. These two kinds of social activity overlap. One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake it. A series of commandments, ten in number—just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.
Following is the revised edition of the Decalogue, calculated for this meridian. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were striking examples of degeneracy; it required ten of them to raise a rock or a riot that one of the heroes of the Trojan war could have raised with ease. Homer never tires of sneering at "men who live in these degenerate days," which is perhaps why they suffered him to beg his bread—a marked instance of returning good for evil, by the way, for if they had forbidden him he would certainly have starved.
One of the stages of moral and social progress from private station to political preferment. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.
The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins and sinners of the world. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.
Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears. A male relative of an office-holder, or of his bondsman. The deputy is commonly a beautiful young man, with a red necktie and an intricate system of cobwebs extending from his nose to his desk. When accidentally struck by the janitor's broom, he gives off a cloud of dust. A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels. DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing. The chief of a nation that prefers the pestilence of despotism to the plague of anarchy. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work. DIE, n. The singular of "dice. The word is found in an immortal couplet by that eminent poet and domestic economist, Senator Depew:. The conversion of victuals into virtues.
When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead—a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia. To present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which he has deemed it advantageous to embrace.
To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and keep. The art of nosing out the occult. Divination is of as many kinds as there are fruit-bearing varieties of the flowering dunce and the early fool.
DOG, n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. This Divine Being in some of his smaller and silkier incarnations takes, in the affection of Woman, the place to which there is no human male aspirant.
The Dog is a survival—an anachronism. He toils not, neither does he spin, yet Solomon in all his glory never lay upon a door-mat all day long, sun-soaked and fly-fed and fat, while his master worked for the means wherewith to purchase the idle wag of the Solomonic tail, seasoned with a look of tolerant recognition. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his retreats on horseback.
Priests and ministers of an ancient Celtic religion which did not disdain to employ the humble allurement of human sacrifice. Very little is now known about the Druids and their faith. Pliny says their religion, originating in Britain, spread eastward as far as Persia. Caesar says those who desired to study its mysteries went to Britain. Caesar himself went to Britain, but does not appear to have obtained any high preferment in the Druidical Church, although his talent for human sacrifice was considerable.
Druids performed their religious rites in groves, and knew nothing of church mortgages and the season-ticket system of pew rents. They were, in short, heathens and—as they were once complacently catalogued by a distinguished prelate of the Church of England— Dissenters. DUEL, n. A formal ceremony preliminary to the reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed the most unexpected and deplorable consequences sometimes ensue. A long time ago a man lost his life in a duel. A member of the reigning dynasty in letters and life.
The Dullards came in with Adam, and being both numerous and sturdy have overrun the habitable world. The secret of their power is their insensibility to blows; tickle them with a bludgeon and they laugh with a platitude. The Dullards came originally from Boeotia, whence they were driven by stress of starvation, their dullness having blighted the crops. For some centuries they infested Philistia, and many of them are called Philistines to this day.
In the turbulent times of the Crusades they withdrew thence and gradually overspread all Europe, occupying most of the high places in politics, art, literature, science and theology. Since a detachment of Dullards came over with the Pilgrims in the Mayflower and made a favorable report of the country, their increase by birth, immigration, and conversion has been rapid and steady.
According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians. The intellectual centre of the race is somewhere about Peoria, Illinois, but the New England Dullard is the most shockingly moral. DUTY, n. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
EAT, v. To perform successively and successfully the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition. I had dined an hour before. Secretly to overhear a catalogue of the crimes and vices of another or yourself. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.
Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. A person who combines the judicial functions of Minos, Rhadamanthus and Aeacus, but is placable with an obolus; a severely virtuous censor, but so charitable withal that he tolerates the virtues of others and the vices of himself; who flings about him the splintering lightning and sturdy thunders of admonition till he resembles a bunch of firecrackers petulantly uttering his mind at the tail of a dog; then straightway murmurs a mild, melodious lay, soft as the cooing of a donkey intoning its prayer to the evening star.
Master of mysteries and lord of law, high-pinnacled upon the throne of thought, his face suffused with the dim splendors of the Transfiguration, his legs intertwisted and his tongue a-cheek, the editor spills his will along the paper and cuts it off in lengths to suit.
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And at intervals from behind the veil of the temple is heard the voice of the foreman demanding three inches of wit and six lines of religious meditation, or bidding him turn off the wisdom and whack up some pathos. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other—which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in the pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of a dog. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
The power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. It is the same thing as lightning, and its famous attempt to strike Dr. Franklin is one of the most picturesque incidents in that great and good man's career. The memory of Dr.
Franklin is justly held in great reverence, particularly in France, where a waxen effigy of him was recently on exhibition, bearing the following touching account of his life and services to science:. ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind the dampest kind of dejection. The most famous English example begins somewhat like this:.
The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white. An imaginary delightful country which the ancients foolishly believed to be inhabited by the spirits of the good. This ridiculous and mischievous fable was swept off the face of the earth by the early Christians—may their souls be happy in Heaven! A bondman's change from the tyranny of another to the despotism of himself.
To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dead and thereby deranging the natural balance between animal and vegetable life, the Egyptians made their once fertile and populous country barren and incapable of supporting more than a meagre crew. The modern metallic burial casket is a step in the same direction, and many a dead man who ought now to be ornamenting his neighbor's lawn as a tree, or enriching his table as a bunch of radishes, is doomed to a long inutility.
We shall get him after awhile if we are spared, but in the meantime the violet and rose are languishing for a nibble at his glutoeus maximus. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.
A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience. Byron, who recovered long enough to call it "entuzy-muzy," had a relapse, which carried him off—to Missolonghi. The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter. An ornamented badge, serving to distinguish a military officer from the enemy—that is to say, from the officer of lower rank to whom his death would give promotion. An opponent of Epicurus, an abstemious philosopher who, holding that pleasure should be the chief aim of man, wasted no time in gratification from the senses.
A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently characterized by acidity or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom. Following are some of the more notable epigrams of the learned and ingenious Dr. Jamrach Holobom:. An inscription on a tomb, showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect. Following is a touching example:. Very particularly abstruse and consummately occult. The ancient philosophies were of two kinds,— exoteric , those that the philosophers themselves could partly understand, and esoteric , those that nobody could understand.
It is the latter that have most profoundly affected modern thought and found greatest acceptance in our time. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead. A bearer of good tidings, particularly in a religious sense such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.
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Lasting forever. It is with no small diffidence that I venture to offer this brief and elementary definition, for I am not unaware of the existence of a bulky volume by a sometime Bishop of Worcester, entitled, A Partial Definition of the Word "Everlasting," as Used in the Authorized Version of the Holy Scriptures. His book was once esteemed of great authority in the Anglican Church, and is still, I understand, studied with pleasure to the mind and profit of the soul. A thing which takes the liberty to differ from other things of its class, as an honest man, a truthful woman, etc.
In the Latin, " Exceptio probat regulam " means that the exception tests the rule, puts it to the proof, not confirms it. The malefactor who drew the meaning from this excellent dictum and substituted a contrary one of his own exerted an evil power which appears to be immortal. In morals, an indulgence that enforces by appropriate penalties the law of moderation. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no effect.
In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort. An English sea-captain being asked if he had read "The Exile of Erin," replied: "No, sir, but I should like to anchor on it. The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends. FAIRY, n. A creature, variously fashioned and endowed, that formerly inhabited the meadows and forests. It was nocturnal in its habits, and somewhat addicted to dancing and the theft of children. The fairies are now believed by naturalists to be extinct, though a clergyman of the Church of England saw three near Colchester as lately as , while passing through a park after dining with the lord of the manor. The sight greatly staggered him, and he was so affected that his account of it was incoherent.
In the year a troop of fairies visited a wood near Aix and carried off the daughter of a peasant, who had been seen to enter it with a bundle of clothing. The son of a wealthy bourgeois disappeared about the same time, but afterward returned. He had seen the abduction and been in pursuit of the fairies. Justinian Gaux, a writer of the fourteenth century, avers that so great is the fairies' power of transformation that he saw one change itself into two opposing armies and fight a battle with great slaughter, and that the next day, after it had resumed its original shape and gone away, there were seven hundred bodies of the slain which the villagers had to bury.
He does not say if any of the wounded recovered. In the time of Henry III, of England, a law was made which prescribed the death penalty for "Kyllynge, wowndynge, or mamynge" a fairy, and it was universally respected. FAITH, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. FEAST, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.
In the Roman Catholic Church feasts are "movable" and "immovable," but the celebrants are uniformly immovable until they are full. In their earliest development these entertainments took the form of feasts for the dead; such were held by the Greeks, under the name Nemeseia , by the Aztecs and Peruvians, as in modern times they are popular with the Chinese; though it is believed that the ancient dead, like the modern, were light eaters. Among the many feasts of the Romans was the Novemdiale , which was held, according to Livy, whenever stones fell from heaven.
FELON, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment. FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions.
FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees on vacant lots in London—"Rubbish may be shot here. FLOP, v. Suddenly to change one's opinions and go over to another party. The most notable flop on record was that of Saul of Tarsus, who has been severely criticised as a turn-coat by some of our partisan journals.
The prototype of punctuation. It is observed by Garvinus that the systems of punctuation in use by the various literary nations depended originally upon the social habits and general diet of the flies infesting the several countries. These creatures, which have always been distinguished for a neighborly and companionable familiarity with authors, liberally or niggardly embellish the manuscripts in process of growth under the pen, according to their bodily habit, bringing out the sense of the work by a species of interpretation superior to, and independent of, the writer's powers.
The "old masters" of literature—that is to say, the early writers whose work is so esteemed by later scribes and critics in the same language—never punctuated at all, but worked right along free-handed, without that abruption of the thought which comes from the use of points. We observe the same thing in children to-day, whose usage in this particular is a striking and beautiful instance of the law that the infancy of individuals reproduces the methods and stages of development characterizing the infancy of races.
In the work of these primitive scribes all the punctuation is found, by the modern investigator with his optical instruments and chemical tests, to have been inserted by the writers' ingenious and serviceable collaborator, the common house-fly— Musca maledicta. In transcribing these ancient MSS, for the purpose of either making the work their own or preserving what they naturally regard as divine revelations, later writers reverently and accurately copy whatever marks they find upon the papyrus or parchment, to the unspeakable enhancement of the lucidity of the thought and value of the work.
Writers contemporary with the copyists naturally avail themselves of the obvious advantages of these marks in their own work, and with such assistance as the flies of their own household may be willing to grant, frequently rival and sometimes surpass the older compositions, in respect at least of punctuation, which is no small glory. Fully to understand the important services that flies perform to literature it is only necessary to lay a page of some popular novelist alongside a saucer of cream-and-molasses in a sunny room and observe "how the wit brightens and the style refines" in accurate proportion to the duration of exposure.
FOLLY, n. That "gift and faculty divine" whose creative and controlling energy inspires Man's mind, guides his actions and adorns his life. FOOL, n. A person who pervades the domain of intellectual speculation and diffuses himself through the channels of moral activity.
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He is omnific, omniform, omnipercipient, omniscient, omnipotent. He it was who invented letters, printing, the railroad, the steamboat, the telegraph, the platitude and the circle of the sciences. He created patriotism and taught the nations war—founded theology, philosophy, law, medicine and Chicago. He established monarchical and republican government. He is from everlasting to everlasting—such as creation's dawn beheld he fooleth now. In the morning of time he sang upon primitive hills, and in the noonday of existence headed the procession of being.