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Blade Runner Doxie 2. The Midwife Helena Alatalo. Miami Angela. Our standardized patients are awesome actors and really made this feel real for us. Though it was very difficult and awkward, I am so glad we had this opportunity. So good to hear that this training is happening!!!! Most of us received nothing like this. I surely did not. I am so sorry that medical school is so cruel.
I pray it will change and very soon. Thank you Pamela, for sharing your light, love, empathy. Your vision and persistence are exemplary. And I feel honored and blessed to have you in my life. Much love and big hugs, Bodhi. It is beyond reason in this day and age that medical schools do not prepare doctors for the worst thing that can happen to them and to their patients. It is — in fact, inexcusable.
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I absolutely agree. It is disgraceful. I am a family physician and I can completely relate to this. I used to work ER — I remember having to tell families about the death of their loved ones. It was nothing short of an awful experience that kept me awake for days afterwards. The memories are still vivid in my mind and heart years later. I witness and experience grief daily in my outpatient practice. I was concluding a patient visit by wrapping up a discussion with one of my new patients who had established with me.
I was feeling rushed, as I had 3 people waiting for me due to my overbooked schedule in my assembly-line job. I paused and waited for him to speak. He confided in me that he had just lost his child due to a tragic motor vehicle accident 4 weeks ago. His eyes welled with tears as he told me what happened. I sat back down on my stool and listened. I sat facing him — no typing, no computer, just me — and gave him my full attention.
There is nothing more to say, is there? We exchanged pleasantries and he left with his next appointment scheduled. I knew that my role as his physician was to bear silent witness to his pain and to provide the space for him to express his grief in the way that he needed to do so. This is my sacred duty as a healer and a physician. This man needed to talk, and it was my duty to listen. I closed my office door. Unable to hold back anymore, I took my glasses off and set them down on my desk and let the tears fall.
I took several deep breaths just letting the emotions flow through me like a river. I put my glasses back on, put myself back together, took 3 more breaths, and walked into the next exam room with my waiting patient. My patient needed me, and I was there for him. The individual who knows how to sleep in the right mode, is the person who can face tragedies, without going through crisis Falling apart.
Do tell. When I work a varying shift nearly every day and sometimes have only exactly 12 hours between one shift and the next, when am I supposed to work in time to do any of the above? Just wanted to say…. I continue to admire your passion for humanizing medicine and expressing your concern for the health of physicians, especially when they try to stifle their own feelings.
My eyes have welled with tears many times in my career when interacting with patients — thankfully sometimes they are tears of joy. It is hard to have compassion without emotion for patients and their families. My husband is also a physician and is proud to be a man who cries. I share your passion for physician health and wellness and thank you for creating awareness around such important topics. Thanks for this enlightening post. I found it quite moving, whenever I saw an immigrant who worked on the lowest rung of the totem pole of a medical institution, say, as janitorial worker, weep openly, in the corner of a corridor, or while cleaning a patient bathroom.
These workers never knew I had seen them. Now that I am an immigrant myself, I realize that there was a world of grief behind those tears. I have heard those words said in ERs about such patients behind their backs. After that, they treated her with kit gloves and kissed her butt to make sure she stayed silent about what had occurred. While inpatient, the nurses made it clear they could hardly wait to get rid of me.
They rolled their eyes in my presence and rarely allowed me to finish a sentence. Never mind the other abuses. I asked to leave. Think of MY point of view. It was a Saturday evening in August.
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I told a nurse that this doctor had said this. She shrugged, said nothing, and walked out of my room before I could say more. You can imagine how I felt. This hospital and its personnel ruined my own reputation. I was just one more Welfare patient to them. I had no recourse. This led to my fleeing the USA last May, , with my dog and a few suitcases, never to see my loved ones again. Hello Julie! Sometimes life just hurts. I pray that you are progressing well.
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Take care take Christ my sister. I recently learned of Dr. Wible you and the incredible bravery shown in exposing the pain and disillusionment we experience everyday, alongside the joy and privilege of hoping and many times succeeding to improve the lives of our patients. Your message cannot be spread fast enough: every day I see another example of a physician succumbing to compassion fatigue.
They are overcome with the regulations, the unrealistic expectations, the belief that our lives are easy and elite, when in realty days go by that we do not eat a meal siting down or sleep more than four uninterrupted hours or even take a shower. I ask myself everyday to just get through this day and not take personally the woman who is angry about waiting 45 minutes, or the grandmother who is demanding a guarantee her daughter will not have a cesarean section or the husband who is irate that the hormones prescribed to his wife are costing him too much money.
I try to tell myself that most people are good and recognize the difference between maloccurance and malpractice and will not hold me to expectations beyond what biology and the circumstances can deliver. I try to tell myself that my family understands why I am never home and falling asleep when I am. On days that the stress and negativity overpower me I become frightened that I will give in and loss my empathy and my interest in seeing someone leave the office better than when they came.
If we do not recognize the need to heal our healers they will no longer be able to heal. If we do not recognize it is not a character flaw or professional weakness to admit we are not robots we will lose our humanity. And above all we need to be allowed to cry. We truly appreciate the thanks we get from families, sometimes from the most tragic circumstances.
It lightens me up when I see those cards on our bulletin board in our lounge. On the other hand, it burns me up severely to hear of the malicious ignorant gossip about us going around on the community FB newsgroup. Shortly after. It was the receptionist demanding a nurse come out because the mother of the girl with the hurt finger was demanding to have her girl be attended to NOW, since she was in pain…I went to the trauma pt instead, helping get her out of the car onto a stretcher.
Turned out she had a badly fractured pelvis, also positive for ETOH no surprise. That mother raised a stink and gave me the hairy eyeball, when I called in the next round of low priorities o the siderooms. I sometimes think the whole load of them should be dropped en masse into some part of Africa where they have no access to a doctor, to water, to a clinic, to all the structures these divas think they should have by some kind of divine right.
I hand out extra dressing supplies to people who live way out of town. But, I am getting so angry about the entitlement and just plain ignorant behaviour anymore, I will be glad to see retirement, just a few years on. People have no idea what is going on in the next room. Empathy is sometimes in short supply. Thank you for all that you do. Respected Dr. Pamela Wible, Grieving on empathy is not a commodity prohibited to the healers.
Shwietzer had said that he had often cried looking into the wilderness ahead of his makeshift tent while treating the Africans who one by one died due to Malaria.. A most needed Facebook post that no doctor can take slightly.. Thank you Dr. Pamela for the great service you have done. Early in my nursing career, I assisted a patient in creating advanced directives.
I conferenced with the family to discuss what would likely occur. I scolded the physician who lacked the courage to have initiated the advanced directive process with the frightened spouse I have since come to understand how difficult it must have been for him. I became quite attached to this patient and family and the family became quite dependent upon me. I left work one day on the shift, praying that the patient, who by this time was imminent, would pass before my return the next day. She waited for me. She passed quietly, shortly after I arrived, which family surrounding her, with me at her side.
You bet I cried. Tears are flowing now as I recall the day. If you have been doing this for a long time, with love and compassion, kudos to all of you. Amen Lou. I once had a doctor go into the room of a 31 year old woman who had just given birth. She was found to have metastatic cancer. He bluntly told her and walked out of the room. I lost all respect for him from then on. Tough or not it is our job to care. I went in after he left and spent time with her. Any discomfort on my part was nothing compared to how she was feeling just hearing she was going to die at the age of 31! Thanks Pamela, this touched me in so many ways.
Also, this gave me a new hope and expectation about the physicians. Wonderful message! I mean this in a gentle way; in reading the caption with the photo it says the doctor is crying for himself among other things. I know a lot of medical training involves puffing upmo the young docs ego. So crying in this instance may have had just as much to do with his god-like powers not working this time as in grieving for the loss of the patient.
Patients and their families need to know a doctor at least cares. Instead of focusing on treatment or curing, look at healing even if it involves alterb. Attempting to destroy their souls would be much more typical. Our medical system needs renovation. A trusted doctor and dedicated nursing staff is comforting when you or loved ones need medical help. I want my providers to feel emotions and we need them time to come to grips with losses and unexpected death.
Decompression is important in many jobs. They need to be given time for this using whatever works for them…. I have been a nurse and a therapist for many years. One of my most rewarding experiences was facilitating a grief group. People need to know that they need to grieve and cry and expect that others will support them and not dimnish their grief. I applaud what you are doing to promote more compassionate, sensitive training for young doctors. I think doctors and nurses also need to appreciate the impotance of spirituality to patients and their families.
When my dad was dying and in ICU for nine days before passing, I asked the doctor what he would do when we had to decide between praying for a miracle after the cat scan showed that a stroke had caused massive irreparable damage and letting him go…… And he hesitated. Then he said, if it was my parent, I would let him go. And he cried with me. And then proceeded to give my father the best care, even coming in and monitoring him multiple times on the last day which was his day off to ensure he felt no pain when we removed all the tubes and waited.
My respect for those in the medical community is endless, and I will be grateful to that kind doctor always. I am, or should I say, I Was, one of the first people to complain about the long wait, or the lack of compassion, or bedside manner. As I do still think that some dr. It will actually make me stop and think from now before blowing a fuse.
Thank you to my wife for sharing this link. It means a lot to me. Life I precious and it is in fact a miracle every day that we enjoy life! I have way too many ghosts knocking about in my mind. Infants, children, teenagers, pregnant women, stockbrokers and of course the elderly who have died in my hands. As for suicide I personally have been sadly affected by losing a good friend and Paramedic to suicide as well as a trusted nurse friend. This doctor is not unprofessional. Bless his over worked heart for trying though. My heart is heavy tonight as I read this article. Frankly, no one would believe it unless they have gone through something similar.
I chose the field of medicine and then surgery because I wanted to do something extraordinary, something that would make the world a better place. Most physicians start here, without the pull of family obligations and the awareness of what will really be asked of them. Two decades later I have left a lucrative position in academic surgery because the bad days far outnumbered the good. I am irrevocably in debt and have lost eight years of my life during which time I have neglected my family and ignored my own health. The sacrifice that is required to train, work, and excel in this profession is something that can only be likened to a six year-long boot camp.
Of course, there are moments of incredible satisfaction in which you manage to save a life or relieve suffering. And you look around for the nearest exit in case their anger is channeled into you. You should have done more. And you quickly make your escape back to the trauma bay as the pager screams again. My last night of call I received a 22 year-old woman from a high-speed motor vehicle crash. She was awake but unstable so we went directly to the OR.
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I spoke briefly with her mother who seemed to feel that things were not in her favor. Heading out to the waiting room, I was already fighting back the tears. I was exhausted, stretched so thin emotionally by the incessant 90 hour weeks and the absence from my own family. The lack of surprise in her face was like a punch to my diaphragm. She knew her daughter would not make it. The look of grief and resignation in her eyes literally broke my heart. I walked out of that waiting room in silent sobs, unable to catch my breath. But a man caught my attention, the friend of another patient who had been shot in the leg and was in the OR with another surgeon.
I wiped my face and swallowed hard. He is with another surgeon in the OR, but I can check on him for you. Compose myself in the afterglow of such terrible grief and tragedy, to answer a simple, completely unrelated question with composure and grace. And then to return to the OR to oversee the post-mortem care of my young patient and sign all of the obligatory paperwork. Oh, and then of course to begin seeing my patients on the ward and writing the daily notes. It was am after all, and a new day was beginning. There is no way to expect non-physicians to understand it nor to sympathize with it.
But realize that until our system begins to make changes that ease the financial and personal burden of medical training, and views physicians in practice as human beings, good, qualified doctors will leave the practice—whether it be through untimely death or resignation—in ever increasing proportions. I personally think it is okay for physicians or males to cry. They are human beings just like everyone else.
Showing emotions is not a weak thing…. All doctors are not going to cry and it is not always the case. That the doctor in unprofessional or does not have feeling. Everyone react differently to each circumstances different. If crying help the doctor to move along through that day so be it. And saying why did she wait so long and that she already had a brain mass removed! So seeing this picture actually puts some faith back in some doctors! I was a nurse for years and went back to school to be a Physician Assistant.
There is so much abuse handed out in training. At the time I was in school, we still had some 36 hr. It was difficult. At least at the University that I attended they had a buddy program. All of the first year students were given a third year student to help show us around and be a mentor.
The problem was that before we even started our first classes, my mentor committed suicide. She was in her car on her way home still close to the hospital when she stopped at a red light then picked up a gun and shot herself in the head. The person behind her was a physician at the hospital. These things are not that unusual.
Its satisfying because im in emergency medicine because i care and i want to help people, its sad cause so few patients have positive experiences. I get yelled at, spit on, knocked around, but everyday I still love my job. It is people like you that make the difference. You will never burn out because you care for the patient, regardless. It truly is a mission. Thanks for sharing. We hold hands, hug family members, and ease pain. I know its heart wrenching when you do everything you can and still its not enough and loose a life..
Six years ago, I had to have surgery to remove a very much wanted dead fetus from my uterus. Go eat some chocolate after this, OK? The anesthesiologist was checking on me after surgery. He took one look at my chart, swore and burst into tears. I never told him how much that meant to me. Having one medical professional acknowledge that I was going through tragedy and not just having a sort of bad hair day was somehow comforting. I have loved showing kindness and concern for the many patients I have phlebotomized over the decades. It was my empathy that I believe was used by God to lead me into laboratory medicine instead of the continual patient care given by physicians or RNs.
I would probably still be shedding tears too frequently if I had become a physician or RN. He had 2 in one day, one being a child who died from influenza. I pray that more physicians and health care providers will feel comfortable shedding tears over an ill patient or loss of a patient. I am a physician and my husband is an ER doctor. He rarely talks about work it is too hard for him emotionally, particularly when children die as we have two young sons of our own.
The last time I went to visit him at the ER, a young child had passed away from drowning.
She was crying in the hallway when I walked into the emergency department. All I knew to do was give her a big hug. I am a psychiatrist and it is not rare for me to be brought to tears by stories I hear from my patients. It is an emotionally taxing job, one that does not allow for having a bad day of my own. I take my phone with me everywhere, answering calls, text messages, and emails on vacations and weekends. It eats away at the time I have with my own children but I do it because I care and because of the pure joy that I feel when someone returns with a good report or does something positive they never imagined that they would accomplish.
I have an envelope in my office that contains thank you notes and letters from previous clients. I encourage anyone who has had a good experience with their doctor to be proactive in sharing their gratitude. When my mother died of renal cancer in the s I was holding her hand. After she had died and I informed the duty doctor I went looking for her oncologist on the other side of the hospital.
I just wanted to thank him for his care over the previous 6 months. When I told him she had died he burst into tears. He had tried to save her including getting her on a trial for interferon. So I put my arm around his shoulders and comforted him until until he was feeling better, then went home and got on with my own grieving. He like many doctors and nurses perform day in day out, battling sometimes against ridiculous odds like punch drunk gambling addicts, hoping that their next patient will be the one they send home. They sacrifice social lives and often their marriages.
Many shorten their lives through stress and overwork. They do their work knowing the odds and knowing the damage they do to themselves and their loved ones.
I have nothing but admiration for them. They are truly humanity at its best. I remember even the ambulance driver whom I sat next to from Melbourne to Orlando look down at my hands I had every finger crossed and prayed how I prayed when he look down at my hands I noticed he had tears roll from his eyes, It was then i noted my fingers were crossed and my hands together so tight that they were white as snow… I truely needed to see that they werent just doing a job that They Loved My Child with a passion..
Thank You all.. Thanks for your insight and attention to this overwhelming but unappreciated problem all ER Physicians deal with. I ,for one, work in a high volume,high acuity ER. I find myself dealing with this emotional struggle more than I care to admit. However we all deal with the stresses of our job in our own way, the best way we can. I can relate with the ER Physician in the photo as I had a unique but comparable experience about a year ago. The consequences of those decisions impact our lives.
The decisions I made on that day still haunt me. When it does, it may be time to find another profession. I hope this is helpful. Here is the link to the letter to the editor I wrote for EM News. Dear Pamela, I have enjoyed following you! Thank you so much for speaking out about how our jobs effect caregivers. I just got off the phone with my niece, who is a PA in a major trauma ER. I sent her this video.
On her last shift she cared for 3 separate tragic accidents involving death and severe injury of children and parents. How do I do this? I feel so anxious right now! I have directed her to your FB page and to Dr. And as I look back on 41 years of nursing, I still remember acutely, the emotional pain that I experienced in many different situations.
I see a great need for what you are doing among nurses too. When I told my managers that I was sending this letter to them and why , I offered to let them share it with any nurse or doctor that is struggling or may be struggling. They had no idea that I too struggled to the point of seeking help.
You may also share the letter below…anonymously…for my wish is not to call attention to myself but to the problem that exists. Best wishes to you! I have seen much tragedy. I have always believed that to be affective with our patients when they are the most vulnerable: experiencing pain, fear of the unknown and their own mortality…compassion and empathy are as important as the drugs and procedures we deliver to affect healing.
When precepting new nurses I stressed the importance of learning how to remain objective about what we CAN do, with the very best of our ability for our patients…when we are with them and then, when we leave them in the care of the next nurse, to focus on the beauty in life and to take the same tender care of yourself that you would your patient or a much loved friend. After too many years of holding it inside, taking my patients home and into my dreams, I realized that I needed help.
Thank you for posting and bringing this much needed subject to public awareness. What we see and experience with our patients can effect us on a deep emotional and physical level. Thank you again for speaking out on this. You have given me the courage to do the same! Dawn RN. Each TOD is a loss of a life: a loss of a father,a mother,a son,a daughter,a friend. I have cried silently. In Florida they did a few legitimate raids on pain management dr? There is a Hugh difference between living a life you can look forward to getting up to each day and one that is just short of mere existence.
But the laws and fearful doctors have put me in a horrible existence once again. Thank you for listening I just refuse to take the mark of the beast in order to get what little pain relief I am getting now when the world turns into a one ruler world I pray God takes my life before I have to make that decision death may be a breath of fresh air from where I stand at this point in my life.
Other countries do not find in mentally insane or wrong to relieve them selves from hell on earth but the USA has its laws except for two states I believe. But that is still not my deep hearted wish. Well once again thank you for your time Lisa. I have seen the coldness and callousness of doctors many times. My father, who would have been 55 years old this year in September, died last year, February 23rd. He was hurting badly, then extremely, but was still working 40 plus hours a week at his hard job, welding, etc.
He kept on and kept on seeing his family physician, and that physician kept on and kept on sending him referral after referral to a variety of other physicians. I took him to various Emergency Rooms, time and time again, and they would give him pain meds and send him away. So, they kept him, ran tests, and found out he had cancer that had started in his liver and by now had spread to his other organs and bones hence, the immense pain he was in for SO LONG! He stayed for a week in the hospital and they sent him home and hospice pumped him so full of pain meds, he was incoherent and unable to speak or even walk.
The physicians, medical staff, and of course, hospice, treated him like he was nothing. Things HAVE to change. It is a travesty the way patients are treated by doctors, medical staff, the system, etc. I only wish my Father had a compassionate, caring physician when he needed one most. I am so sorry Kristina. Please know that doctors never wanted to harm patients. Many have been so harmed by the same healthcare system that victimizes patients. This really does make you think, we always see that straight professionalism from our doctors, something we almost take as a given, so to see this side of things is very interesting and thought provoking.
I just want to say thank all doctors for everything they do. Thank you all very much. I am a pediatric intensivist. I think I was considered emotional when I was in training but am blessed to have a wonderful group of partners and interdisciplinary PICU staff who acknowledge and share in the pain. Even with that, the weight of what we do among other things is steering me towards early retirement.
Admittedly, pediatrics is a different group of people; it is abominable that all medical specialties cannot recognize the personal side of being a healthcare provider.
KUDOS to the physician that allowed himself to be seen as a vulnerable, real person. Thank you Patti. Totally agree and you have inspired me to write a follow-up piece on this blog. Look for it in the next few days. We need you—and your tears. I cried reading this.
I was poor and sick and had no where else to go. I am neither. Now I learned I have found I have been suffering with CLL, chronic Leukemia which no doctor would admit to until I was put in a psyche ward and if I died there no one would care, I screamed for help and the orderlies just laughed for 4 years and been self treating with natropathic medicine like hawthorn berry for my heart and blood to prevent platelet aggregation and DIC. Doctors are exploiting people and telling them this or that is good for them and if I had taken all that they gave me in pills I would be dead via doctors orders and apathetic negligence.
One doctor acted like a human being. I hate each one of those who look on anyone without mercy. Sitting on the exam bed next to me maybe three feet away examining my limb. Last time he moved my joint during a exam, sitting on the bed beside me. I winced because of the pain. When he does discuss treatment he normally stands or sits normal to long distance away from me. He did comment at my first consult I looked tense.
I commend this doctor because he has true feelings! Being a nurse i understand how he feels. I see children die from illness and cancer and it is heart wrenching. We have to stay strong for the family as they grieve. Have some compassion for your healthcare workers because we need it!! The major stressor for myself in medicine was to know how to treat the patient, but the patient was not insured, or his plan did not cover the treatment, and the hours taken away from patient care to do meaningless paperwork for insurers, medicare, constant useless requirement and expensive continuing medical education that had to paid for.
I just came upon this article as I was searching for a piece of prose in relation to a patients demise and how they so very often reveal their deepest fears and dark secrets that have been festering in the recesses of their psyche for decades. I am an ex hospice nurse and cried often with my colleagues over the years. We always said …..
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